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Due to my mother constantly telling me I had a low IQ, I didn't graduate elementary school until I was of voting age. Since then I've had odd jobs until recently when my uncle, who had taken an abnormal liking to me, died and left me with a lot of money which I immediately invested in Greek bonds... My current address is the door front of a local Santa Monica Jewish deli where I survive on day-old rye bread.

quip-Victor Borge

Santa Claus has the right idea: visit someone only once a year.

Victor Borge

quip-Mary Wortley Montague

I give myself sometimes admirable advice, but I am incapable of taking it.

Mary Wortley Montague

quip-Ricky Gervais

The best advice I ever received was “No one else knows what they’re doing either.”

Ricky Gervais

Advice

I always advise people never to give advice…P. G. Wodehouse

quip-Winston Churchill

Never give up.

Winston Churchill

Never, never, never

Never give up.
Never give up.
Never give up.

quip-Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

If you would hit the mark, you must aim a little above it; every arrow that flies feels the attraction of the earth.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Word to the wise…

Only floss the teeth you want to keep.

Stay Humble

The great heavyweight fighter George Foreman only displays one picture of his boxing career in house. And that’s the famous photo of Mohammad Ali knocking him down. When asked why Foreman chose that photo considering all the opponents he had knocked out, Foreman replied it keeps me humble.

Active Life

Young people ought not to be idle. It is very bad for them
-Margaret Thatcher